I tend to lead a very cautious & calculated life, as a means to protect myself. At the beginning of this summer, I spent 20 minutes convincing a guy I was interested in why I was not going to do something he enjoyed that he was inviting me in to be a part of. I stepped back the next day & started really digging into why my first instinct tends to always be “no”. And I didn’t like the harsh reality that hit me in the face.
I will only do things I am certain that I will be good at. If there is any element of unknown, I will always shy away from it.
This made me really wonder what beauty lies ahead that I am missing out on, simply because I am paralyzed by fear.
Three years ago, my life was so calculated to the point that I would only go to the same 5 restaurants in Houston & order the same thing at every single time. I had no desire to venture out of my comfort zone & I thought I was completely content.
The reality was, my life had felt so out of control for so long that I defaulted to always controlling what I could.
Thankfully I serve a God who does not ever let me stay stagnant. I was pushed into a career that had me traveling alone to cities I had only experienced with the safety of others. I slowly began to find new restaurants within those cities, yoga studios I loved, and created a life within the uncomfortable. It makes me laugh to look back at that girl 3 years later. I can’t even fathom living my life with the same caution now. This opened the door to a life where I am now traveling across 21+ states alone & I actually look forward to exploring & discovering the beauty & local charm that each city has to offer.
I’ve spent so much of my life in survival mode that I had to take a deep breath & realize that I am no longer that girl. God has been so incredibly faithful & my season of sunshine & rest has come.
So I made the decision to start my summer saying “yes” to all of those little things I would typically shy away from. This has opened the door to trying new workouts, going to parties by myself where I only knew 1 person, and saying yes to lots of last minute plans. These may seem like small matters to some, but they are huge victories for me. I believe this new rhythm of this season is pushing me into a spirit of saying “yes” to God wholeheartedly with all of the things I want to control.
I am choosing to view this journey of unknown through a lens of hope. To live fearless, knowing that God has never once let me fall.
I am choosing to free fall, knowing God is going to let me land exactly where I am meant to be.