I tend to be the girl who loves to tackle things and move on. I love working on multiple projects at once. There is very little in this world that makes me happier than getting to check things off of an actual hand written to do list. But lately, a thought has popped into my head. Am I racing through life at a pace that’s faster than God intended, simply with the goal to knock out as much as I can, as quickly as I can?
My relationship with God has been in a little bit in a valley lately. He has been so good to me and has given me an amazing season of rest. And I am quickly realizing…I am so good at getting on my knees before Him and spending time with Him when the road I’m walking is tough and I need His help to push me through it. But when the road is smooth, I tend to run so far ahead without Him.
When I started traveling heavily for work 3 years ago, I really had to learn the value of living with intention. My time at home was now limited, and I could not just call my friends to hang out whenever I wanted or needed them. And I could not expect them to drop everything in a moment’s notice when I was home either. I really had to ensure that we worked together to carve out time for one another. And I learned quickly that it’s not always necessarily about how much time we can give each other. It’s about making one another a priority & really being there with one another to make time to connect on a consistent basis. This means no multi tasking. Phones away, and really making the most important thing that God’s given me a priority. My people.
So why is it so hard to do this with God?
Somebody recently asked me how I view God. No matter what has happened in my life, I have always known such beautiful truths about who God is. He loves me. He’s safe. He will never abandon me. He is faithful. His love is not conditional upon what I can do for Him. These are things I know. Because He has a very strong track record of always showing up.
This sounds like such a beautiful thing that I am so lucky to have. But I am also concerned that it’s causing me to float and I tend to blow wherever the wind takes me in that very moment.
I am a person that loves smooth sailing. It bothers me to my core when things are off with the people I care about. I won’t sleep, and I will not stop thinking about it. So if something is off in my relationships with the people I care about, I make it a priority to course correct & ensure that everything is moving in the right direction. And quickly.
But knowing that God will always be there leaves me thinking I almost take advantage of that. I don’t have to worry about Him every leaving me. So I feel a little too free to run ahead, without Him, not knowing what lies ahead. And every time I run into a space that gets a little bumpy, I run back to the safety net that I need so desperately to help me get through.
I show up for the people in my life because I love them. Not because I need something from them. It takes a lot of intention and a lot of prioritizing. But it is so unbelievably important to me.
I am committed to working towards that same mindset with God. To shut things off & create the space for us to really connect. Without any distractions. To be a person who spends time with Him to really get to know Him. Not just when I need something from Him. It is the very most important relationship I have, after all.