Thoughts on online dating

We live in a culture of instant gratification.  We are able to get our hands on almost anything we want, at the exact time we want it.

Even companionship and dating.

I have been on 3 different dating sites at various times since my relationship ended 2 years ago.  I’ve prided myself on the fact that I took 2 years to be single & work on myself.  Now, while I didn’t enter into a new relationship for 2 whole years, I was actively utilizing these various dating sites and occasionally going on a date.  I viewed it as harmless.

After a really frustrating halt, it made me step back and examine what I was actually doing.

I was filling those lonely spaces with a false sense of comfort from a complete stranger.

I reflected on conversations with friends who have/are going down this path, reflected on my own feelings and actions, and reflected on a view of society as a whole.  And what I noticed really started concerning me.  We are jumping from one date to another.  Maybe entering a relationship occasionally in the process.  Some may last 2 months, some may last a few years.  All of the details vary.  But there’s a pretty strong pattern that is constant.  As soon as it’s done, we jump back online to input the data of what we perceive our perfect mate is, and order up the next.

It concerns me that in our quest for instant gratification, we are cheapening the value of human relationships.  We are creating a space where if somebody doesn’t fit this perfect mold that we have in our head, we jump back online to continue the search for what we perceive will be our perfect solution.

We are beginning to treat people like they are disposable.

This is a slippery slope that we are embarking as a society, and I wonder what the repercussions will be for our future.  Are we holding each other to a standard of perfection that we don’t want to be held to?  Where does grace, love, and mercy fall into this equation?  Where has our faith in God’s perfect plan fallen?

I love picking people’s brains.  Human behavior fascinates me to  no end.  So, I frequently ask really deep questions to virtual strangers.  Every conversation I have had with couple that have been married for any significance of time have had a few common threads.

They had to choose.  To wake up and choose each other every day.  Choose to push through the really difficult times.  And every single time, they have said was always the best decision they have ever made.  The bond that was created on the other side of the storms is the deepest love they never knew existed.

So with that advice, how are our actions leading us to a path of getting to that deep love we never knew existed?  Are we finding God’s best?  Do we know how to show grace and forgive?  Or are we getting so distracted by over stimulating ourselves with so many options, we actually believe we will find perfection?

When God brings somebody into your life, it’s a gift.  And how we treasure and handle that gift is up to us.  I don’t want to live a life where I throw it to the side in pursuit that there may be something better out there.  I want to have faith that God wants the very best for us.  And when he brings somebody incredible into our lives, we are to value that and not take it for granted.

And for those of us who are struggling with loneliness and wanting the desires of our heart…know that God’s timing is perfect.  This is the time to embrace this beautiful life God has given us.  Find what sets your soul on fire.  Learn to lean into those uncomfortable, hurt spaces, and find healthy outlets to work through them.  Prepare yourself to be the kind of girl that can be a healthy partner, so that when God is ready to bring them into your life, you are ready, sister!

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